Best of 2013 Episode 18

Drew: “Holly, what in the hell…”

Holly: *pushes Nick away* “Drew, you’ve never told me that there’s a live show tonight!”

Drew: “I’m so sorry, Holly, I’m so sorry I haven’t told you! I’m sorry!”

Holly: “Well, guys, audience, producer, and viewers all around the world, you know most of you have watched the documentary entitled From The Gloomiest Girl of the World to the Epic Celebrity Bitch: The Holly Cotton Story which aired on the public television last night and also became viral on the internet. Yes it is true, many of you have known that I have spent my childhood in Amsterdam, the city where I was born. But you now know that I ended up adopted by a gay couple after I got kicked out by my abusive father… this is true, you may wanna take a look.”

*clip airs*

Mystery Woman (Holly’s Mother): “Well, she was just a pretty, happy little girl, but when she got adopted by a lesbian couple, she had changed. She was fierce, tough, merciless, racist, and homophobic, we were terrified by her. She always had a terrible dream about his father attacking her.”

Luke (Celebrity Games co-star): “That was back in 2012, when I got the role of the second season of Celebrity Games, while I made it, but my Unnatural Murders co-star, Ashley, got an car accident, I mean not an accident. Her car was pushed off the road into the river. I’m still wondering whether it was Holly.”

Anonymous (Holly’s ex-friend): “I’ve heard that most of the tweets spoke about her hates with all races excluding Causasians and even normal ones, she also hates homos, which explains all the hates against Black, Asian, Indian, and even LGBT people.”

*clip stops*

Holly: *says as Nick and Drew walks away to the backstage* “There you go, it’s all true. But to those of you who would view this as some sort of weakness, let me say this: I am immensely powerful and terrifying. Little Holly Alexandra Alvarez died after her dad continued abusing her, and from the anger was born from a gay couple, Holly Cotton, the most famous celebrity bitch! Now, this is the last anyone needs to address this issue, ever! I consider the matter resolved. Okay then, here are the nominees for the Best American Act!”

Best American Act:

Hunter Hayes

Justin Timberlake

Phillip Phillips

Selena Gomez

Taylor Swift

#30. Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly – Cruise (Remix) (33815 pts.)

Holly: “There you go, Florida Georgia Line featuring Nelly – Cruise was the number 30 of 2013. Well… uh…”

Nick: “Holly! Holly!”

Holly: “What?!”

Nick: “Well, I’m really sorry to hear about the horrible things about that gay couple and your abusive parents…”

Holly: “Nick, I really forbid you to talk about this any further during the double bill special show now.”

Nick: “Well, it makes sense that… you’re… you’re mean…”

Holly: “*angrily* Stop it! Stop it! This is unacceptable!”

Nick: “I’m sorry, Holly.”

Holly: “*back to normal* Well, we’re going to see the worst artist of 2013 number 3, it’s Frank Ocean, even though he won a Grammy, he was the first ever African-American musician to fall in love with his same sex, which is generally unacceptable in African-American music industry, and he’s not deserved to be in the industry at all!”

Nick: “Holly, you’re offending…”

Holly: “Quiet, Nick! If you want to see the real African-American music, please welcome Jay-Z!”

#29. Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man (34243 pts.)

Holly: “Well alright, Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man is our number 29 of 2013. And we’re revealing the worst artist of 2013 number 2, which is Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Their single, Thrift Shop, reached number one on Billboard Hot 100 and later the rest of the world, Can’t Hold Us also reached number one. The both singles are really terrible in my ears and annoying for me, it was not one, but two of the worst singles of 2013, I mean ever! Ever! Ever! Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are fucking terrible!! Their singles are piece of fucking shits!”

Drew: “*arrives* Holly, you better watch your language, we’re live, we’re on air, you know that children are…”

Holly: *cuts* Well, Same Love also their most terrible single of all time, it contains anti-homophobia, and it’s really terrible as well! Well… I’m… I’m discombobulated, I really hate LGBT. *pauses 5 seconds as Drew leaves* What’s next? We have Rihanna performing on the live lounge, so please enjoy.”

*back to the back the studio*

Drew: “*whispers to Nick* It’s no use! Holly stole the show.”

Nick: “*whispers to Drew* What should we do now?”

Producer: “If Holly’s behavior is gone too far…”

*cuts to the live lounge*

#28. Lady Gaga – Applause (34475 pts.)

Holly: “Well, that was Lady Gaga with Applause, which was number 28 of 2013. Well, we’re now revealing the WORST ARTIST OF 2013! It’s Baauer with his infamous Harlem Shake! Harlem Shake is the most terrible viral video of all time! It’s also the worst song of all time!! It’s the fucking worst of all time!!”

Drew: “Holly! Please stop it!”

Holly: “What?!”

Nick: “Look, we know it’s really terrible what happened during your childhood, I think you have to rest and take a break from the show, the producers have asked us to…”

Holly: “Nick, Drew, stop it, stop trying kicking me out!”

Nick: “No, we’re not trying to kick you out from the show!”

Holly: “Well, that was Nick and Drew, who attempted to steal the fucking show from me…”

Drew: “Holly, seriously, you need to watch your language or… *Holly touches her forehead* Holly, Holly, you’re alright?”

Holly: “Well, we have to reveal the video number 27 right after JT’s performance.”

#27. P!nk feat. Nate Ruess – Just Give Me a Reason (34563 pts.)

Holly: “You’re back in the “Best of 2013”, Just Give Me a Reason is at number 27 of 2013. After the performance, Justin Timberlake won the Best American Act of 2013, here’s the clip.”

*clip airs*

Drew: “Justin Timberlake! *runs to the backstage*

Justin Timberlake: “Yeah?”

Drew: “I have the Best American Act award trophy for you!! *gives the award to Justin Timberlake* Congratulations! Is there anything…”

Justin Timberlake: “*cuts* Thank you very much! I’m so happy and proud to come back to music industry! I’m so grateful! I want to thank my wife, Jessica Biel, my fans, RCA, Jay-Z, and so much, much more! Thank you so much! *changes attitude* Do you have any idea what happened in upstairs?”

Drew: “No, no idea.”

*clip stops*

Holly: “Congratulations to JT for winning the Best American Act, he deserves it. Um… Finally…”

Luke: “*from the backstage* Hi, Holly.”

Holly: “Lu… Luke? What the hell are you doing here?”

Luke: “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but because of your meltdown, Celebrity Games got cancelled after only two episodes of the season two, the network has asked me to speak with you about your attitude overnight. It’s hard to say this, but… because of this… the producer has let you go.”

Holly: “What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luke: “It means… I’m so sorry, you’re already fired.”

Holly: “Okay, what the hell? I can’t be fired, I’m the host.”

Luke: “Holly, you’re okay? Holly?”

Holly: “No!”

Luke: “Holly, look at me, look at me, you’re in the studio now, and you’re fired.”

Holly: “Fuck! Fuck!”

Luke: “Holly, are you with me?”

Holly: “Fuck!”

Luke: “Holly?”

Holly: “How dare you fucking abuse me, fucking dad! You’re the fucking worst cockhead dad ever!”

Luke: “It would seem that we have lost Brooke to a complete mental breakdown, due to her sudden confrontation with long repressed trauma. I will personally see to it, poor Holly gets the help that she needs and does not return to the air for the rest of the episode. That’s all for tonight’s double bill special, here’s video number 26, goodnight everyone!”

Holly: “*pulled by the producers* Fuck! Fuck!! Let me fucking go!! Ugh!”

#26. The Saturdays – What About Us (35828 pts.)